Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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