We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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