I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
