By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
