Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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