why didn't you poke me back
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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