take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
