Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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