i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
