My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
