and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Randomize
