Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
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I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
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The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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