i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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