Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
