I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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