I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
