great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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