like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
you didnt know i had herpes?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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