im having a threesome with these popsicles
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
