he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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