Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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