Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
