sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
