Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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