No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
