It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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