Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
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