Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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