so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
false alarm, still single
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
