Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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