i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
