just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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