It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
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