I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
