i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
