It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
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