your parents love me but you hate me
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Terrible idea I love it
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
