The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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