remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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