Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
