It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
