You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
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I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
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Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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