I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
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