First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
