its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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