you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
