you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
