I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
