conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Two words: nipple clamps
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