You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
