Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
