We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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