On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
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I cut my penus on the lid.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
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Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
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