this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
