I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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