I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
