no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
