I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
