i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
