I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
