Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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