Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
