I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
