So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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