ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
