I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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